i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
