sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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