East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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