i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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