so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You left your phone here
Wait...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
