ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
