I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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