I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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