i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
