No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
