I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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