Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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