That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
