someone threw a dead crab at me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
