I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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