Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am midnight drunk by noon
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
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