if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
