Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
