Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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