I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
