He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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