see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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