Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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