im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
