Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
