Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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