apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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