we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
