So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
