i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
