my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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