i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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