I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
