i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
