My cat gives me a boner
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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