We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm really busy with my period
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