I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
