I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
