i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
