i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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