Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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