I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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