quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
