batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
