WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
