just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
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I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
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I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize