Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
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My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
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Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize