what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
