Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
