areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
