i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
