when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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