You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
