you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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