Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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