Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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