Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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