I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
