we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
