dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
