watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We had to coat check the pizza.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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