My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
