I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
