Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
