My room smells like vodka and shame
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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