Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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