If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
