Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
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I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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