New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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