He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
