"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
