I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
