she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
