i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im holly from the hills drunk
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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