I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
