I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
