Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
