Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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