OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
