Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
