if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
