I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
