let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
