i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
