Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize