she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
