Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize