i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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