After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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