there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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