may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
