if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
